Christmas movies are a staple at this time of year, whether you have your classics, your canonical, or just your personal favorites. Within each movie, there are a number of the same tropes and themes: the importance of family, encroaching consumerism, the lost recognition of the holiday, and the diminishing Christmas spirit. In addition, there are often Christmas heroes and Christmas villains. Below is a list of the greatest bad guys in Christmas cinema. I’ve avoided going the route of castigating commercialism, consumerism, department stores, and age, so all you’ll find are living folks. Happy Holidays!
The Grinch – How the Grinch Stole Christmas: I stress that this is cartoon version, with Boris Karloff voicing the Grinch, not Jim Carrey and Ron Howard’s wacky, floppy-fingered, over-gesticulating curmudgeonly hermit. To be honest, Carrey, with his frenetic movements is not a solid pick to play the holiday hater. Originally, the Grinch is a few centuries old and his movements are meant to be sloth-like. In addition, like The Cat in the Hat, this movie wasn’t sure if it was geared at children or the adults whose childhoods were enlivened by the annual cartoon. On the other hand, the cartoon, like the Dr. Suess book, is brief, clever, and pithy. The cartoon’s charm comes from the eeriness of Boris Karloff as the narrator and the Grinch. Each slink, slunk, and smile in tandem with Karloff’s rhyme-reciting baritone. The film is none of those. It’s long, drawn out and filled with spectacle. Rhymes are injected but they’re disjointed and disrupt the flow of the Grinch’s arc. Yes, the Grinch has an arc. He’s a miserable insomniac whose anxiety goes into overdrive around November of each year. As his anxiety grows, so does his paranoia and his fearful expectations of the Whos down in Whoville. This paranoia leads to psychopathic nefariousness. And as his plan goes into action, he shows a flash of consciousness upon meeting Little Cindy Lou Who who was no more than two. But this flash is brief until he hears that Whos singing without the impetus of presents and baubles. He realizes that the world is not as cynical and consumer-driven as he believes it to be. His heart growths three sizes that day and gets to carve the roast beef. What better way to celebrate the holidays?
Harry / Marv – Home Alone: It’s funny. As a kid, I saw this film about half-a-dozen times in the theaters. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. As an adult, I hadn’t watched the film in years until about two weeks ago. At that point I realized that Kevin kind of deserved to be left home alone. In fact, he’s kind of an ungrateful ass living a rather privileged life. Seriously, the farthest I’ve ever traveled over Christmas is across the country – not across the ocean. However, since he realizes his mistake, I’ll pick the two thieves who inspire Kevin to embrace responsibility and maintain his house. Harry and Marv are clever, funny, and fit the archetypical mold of any duo of criminals: one is tall, thin, and slow-witted; the other is smarter, but shorter and stockier. In part, these characters are rounded out by the multitalented Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. Their physical comedy is spot on as is their banter. And a John Hughes script doesn’t hurt.
Peter and Kate – Home Alone 2: It certainly isn’t the best sequel ever made, but it does serve up another set of villains. This time though, it’s not Harry and Marv, who make a rather improbable appearance. But hell, what’s not improbable about this movie? Kevin gets left alone…again, and in nearly the same manner. He acts out – as he’s prone to do, which proves that privilege still breeds derelict children – and he’s sent up to the third floor basement…again. Due to incompetence – which evidently privilege can’t repair – the alarm clocks are mis-set and the family oversleeps…again. This time, they remember to wake Kevin. But, in the rush through the airport, Kevin follows another man who wears a jacket similar to his father’s onto a separate airplane, one that is heading to New York. Now, a sequel that repeats virtually the same progression as its predecessor is not unheard of. But, here, it seems that the second film really emphasizes the parent’s indifference when it comes to their child – or, at least their youngest one. Perhaps he was a mistake. He was the one that slipped past the diaphragm. The night that the wife took an anti-biotic cocktail with her birth control. The drunken holiday party that led to unexpected penetration. Regardless, he exists, but they hardly seem to notice until it’s too late – and Peter realizes his wallet is missing. Besides, if the father can’t set an alarm clock, he probably shouldn’t breed. But he does, so we get a sequel, and we see how unaware of their children they are. Of course, there’s a reunion and reconciliation at the end, but didn’t this happen exactly one year prior? It’s difficult to punish your kids for repeatedly acting out when you perpetually strand him alone on the holidays.
Hans Gruber – Die Hard: Yeah, we could have a debate about whether this is a Christmas movie, but, in my book, it’s the second-best Non-Christmas Christmas movie. It knocks consumerism, it reference Santa a few times, it takes place on Christmas Eve, and well, John McClane’s kicks ass. Regardless, Gruber (Alan Rickman) is the modern-day Ebenezer Scrooge. His band of ragtag assassins are really just body armor for his heist. If they perish, they perish. Gruber still walks away with a fortune. And, like A Christmas Carol, Die Hard positions the uberwealthy and greedy against the working middle class. McClane’s wife might bank a decent paycheck, but he’s a cop; therefore, he’s not banking anything, no matter how many terrorists he brings in.
Mr. Potter – It’s a Wonderful Life: While this might be my favorite film to watch on Christmas, I’m not always convinced that it’s a Christmas film. Christmas is an occurrence toward the end, but It’s a Wonderful Life is really about a man and his impeded aspirations. George Bailey is always giving up his dreams and desires for other people. He only wants to leave his sleepy little town and see the world, but his goals are interrupted over and over again until frustration begins to seethe from his pores and he wonders why he’s so afflicted with poor timing. And then there’s Mr. Potter, the man at the ready to pounce on Bailey’s bad fortune. He steals from Bailey, by default stealing from the rest of the town. He comes close to bankrupting everyone who’d ever invested with Baily Building and Loan. He pushes them toward foreclosure. He is the epitome of a predatory lender, waiting to swoop in and leave the community with no choice but to move into this houses that more closely resemble ghettos with fresh paint. Mr. Potter is the ultimate Christmas bad guy, but he’s also the heel. The community proves they are stronger than one man. We could learn a lot from It’s a Wonderful Life.
