This weekend brings us the latest installment in the two-hour-commercial genre, a bunch of people popping out progeny, an exploration of men and their grooming habits throughout the years, and Sam Jackson kicking ass — this time without the aid of a raging green monster or an iron-clad playboy / philanthropist.
Battleship: I understand the logic of making the Transformers toys into nine-hour commercial / trilogy. The action figures are accurate to their cinematic counterparts, and the rogue wave of adolescents seeking to purchase these toys will most likely start by recreating scenes from the films. At the same time, the older viewers might be relishing in nostalgia, remembering when they had tiny Optimus Primes of their own. However, I’m boggled by Battleship. Liam Neeson equals film revenue and, most often, kickassness, so I’m not worried about the explosions, actions scenes, or expository dialog. But, If Hasbro, who is directly linked to the production of the movie, is looking to market their Battleship game, they are doing it rather misleadingly. As a child, I owned Battleship (both the standard and electronic version), and while it was fun, there were no alien figurines, no extraterrestrial, chain whipping villains. There was only the kid across from me trying to peek at my boats or not-so-subtly moving his when I got a direct hit. What I’m saying here is that calling this movie Battleship and marketing it as a representation of the game is a bit wonky. One could just call this movie: Ocean Adventure with Explosions, That Guy From Friday Night Lights’ Last Movie, Rhianna’s Attempt at Acting, or Liam Looking Angry.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting: a crappy movie. This adaptation covers the lives of five couples who are all expecting a child. At various times their lives interchange, and I’m sure there are moments in which “hilarity ensues, etc.” One thing to note here is that three of the five women in the film are over the age of forty, so unless this film is about fertility treatments, the reality of the film is already waning.
Mansome: From Morgan Spurlock, Mansome, looks at the state of male attractiveness and the history that has led up to it. I think this film might be about ten years too late – Queer Eye for the Straight Guy pretty much broke ground in the metrosexual exposure genre – but it could be interesting if this film delves deeply into the history of masculinity and grooming, particularly if parts of the film focus on the girth of a man and the size of his beard.
The Samaritan: Samuel L. Jackson is back, again; this time as Foley, a former grafter ready to set his life straight. But, as happens in these films, Foley is thrown into a circumstance that makes him revert to his old practices. I suppose the intrigue here is whether or not he can dip his toes in mischief and then walk away forever – a la Unforgiven – or if an epiphany will forever convince him that some people are just meant to walk outside of the law? Not sure if either one will make this film a “must see,” but I’m sure the audience can probably poach a classic SLJ line or two.
