Welcome to Friday the 13th, and if you’re not up for a marathon of slasher flicks, there’s a new horror film looking to parody its genre. For the kids, there’s also a new Farrelly Brothers film that reimagines the Three Stooges. Could be fun if you’re under ten, but don’t expect a threesome version of Harry and Lloyd. If you want something safe, go with Touchback. It’s mystical and Kurt Russelly, so you already know what to expect.
The Cabin in the Woods: If you missed Silent House and can’t wait to see House at the End of the Street, then The Cabin in the Woods should sate your gore craving. I’m not sure how solid the acting will be, but the premise of parody seems worth a viewing. From the trailer, it’s as if the film is self-aware and having some fun with the horror movie troops. What’s also a bit refreshing is that the “twist” is readily alluded to in the trailer, so it’s not coming out of nowhere. Instead, the film itself is an exercise in cliché-baiting and parody. I’m not sure if this will make it great or just kind of pretentious, but it could be fun.
The Three Stooges: Depending on how you feel about The Heartbreak Kid, the Farrelly brothers haven’t been funny in quite a bit. While I like the raunchiness of the Stiller joint, each film they make will be haunted by the successful specters of There’s Something About Mary and Dumb and Dumber. Perhaps this is a bit unfair, and perhaps this is why the tandem have decided to release the antithesis of anything I would find interesting: The Three Stooges. I’m sure there’s a pocket of former Stooge fans that will embrace the troika’s vaudevillian antics, though the final incarnation of the group became extinct by the 1970’s, so this fan club will be coming out by the dozens instead of droves. That aside, I’m not sure how well slapstick plays out nowadays, particularly in a film rated PG. As of late, PG has become a harbinger of mediocrity. A PG denotes an appeal to children, and an appeal to children often involves either a) meaningless 3D spectacle b) overly cartoonish situations c) jokes alluding to defecation and urination. I think I would have much rather seen a PG-13 or R-rated version of the Stooges just to maintain a bit of the malice that burned between the original Larry, Curly, and Moe.
Touchback: We’re a country that loves football. We’re also a country that’s been inundated with “what if I had a second chance to live my biggest moment” tales, particularly when they involve cosmic intervention: Freaky Friday, 13 Going on 30, 17 Again, 18 Again!, Big, The Change Up, Hot Tub Time Machine. Thus, logic dictates that the two would eventually cross paths, and they have, in the form of Touchback, the story of Sean Murphy (Brian Presley), who gets a chance to relive his high school quarterbacking days to make right all that has gone wrong. My bet is that he does. And nothing will make this film more cloying, saccharine, and pedestrian than help from Coach Handy (Kurt Russell), who is sure to inspire Murphy with faux conviction and emoted inspiration replete with volume and wild gesticulations.
Life Happens: If I were an uber-conservative, I would decry this film as left-wing propaganda promoting birth control. Since I’m not, I’ll just say it’s a silly premise. L!fe Happens centers on Kim and Deena and the results of Kim’s unplanned pregnancy. So, one of them has to grow up unexpectedly? And the other doesn’t? So one feels resentment? And the other feels jealous? I’m sure we can also expect the child to represent both a burden and a blessing.
Hit So Hard: If you were a fan of Nirvana (most likely), a minor fan of Hole (also probably likely), or a fan of Schadenfreude, Hit So Hard will be worth checking out. This documentary follows Hole drummer Patty Schemel throughout her struggle with fame and addiction in the early nineties. The one issue I have with this film is that “Nirvana” and “Hole” seem more present for ticket sales than they do for contextual relevancy. My advice would be to expect little unrevealed information about Kurt and Courtney and prep yourself for a depressive ride through and unknown celebrity.
