When a martini has that perfect balance of vodka and vermouth, enhanced by chips of shaken ice and the salty touch of an olive, you record your measurements for repeated imbibing pleasure. When filet mignon is seared the appropriate length of time so that it melts in your mouth, you do your best to duplicate that touch and taste.
I’m not sure if the same advice should be given when making a movie.
As the summer months begin, so do the horde of summer movies: blockbusters like Pirates of the Caribbean: Yes, we Made Another One, Thor, Green Lantern, and Super 8, buddy comedies like Hangover 2, and cartoons like Cars 2 will soon be the respite from muggy city streets. One such summer movie that opens July 8th is Zookeeper, and while I’m not sure which category to lump this one in, I will assert that Columbia Pictures needs a touch of help in their creative department, primarily because the current Kevin James vehicle about a clumsy, nervous fellow who is in need of dating advice strikes me as rather similar to the last James film about a clumsy, nervous fellow who needs dating advice, Hitch.
However, this time, Will Smith does not appear as the Christian de Neuvillette to James’ Cyrano; instead, Griffin Keyes’ (James) advisors are a bevy of bipeds and quadrupeds, all of who speak and give pearls of advice like “unlock your inner bear” and “never let a rider dictate the outcome of a situation.” Interpretations of this advice could certainly be seen in the world of dating, though exposing one’s “inner bear” in public might result in some sort of fine.
It is clear from the trailer that these lessons are not be taken symbolically, but rather, literally as demonstrated by Keyes’ mimicking of a giant grizzly protecting his cave, replete with opened-mouthed “arrrarrharr” while trying to intimidate a fellow car salesman — a profession that is suggested to be a step up from zookeeping, which might be ironic since both occupations require the employee to sling crap all day. These scenes may elicit a few laughs, as might James’ control over his not usual-Hollywood physique, something that’s made him a rather good physical comic and carried overall disappointing films like Paul Blart: Mall Cop and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, though it’s difficult to suggest that these laughs will overshadow the overall silliness of the film.
Regardless of the laughs evoked and the ridiculous predicaments that Keyes works his way into and out of, the trailer portends that the end result of Zookeeper will be similar to the subtext of Hitch: be yourself or beware of disaster. In Hitch, Albert (James) can’t be himself because he believes that his self could never attract or kindle interest of Allegra Cole (Amber Valleta), thus he needs the assistance of Hitch (Smith). Eventually, the uncovering of Albert’s association with Hitch threatens to sink his relationship as Cole believes that everything up to that point has been fraudulent. While this isn’t entirely untrue, Albert’s true self emerges and saves the day.
A similar story has been fashioned here. Keyes has been shot down by a former girlfriend who comes one “no” shy of becoming a fiancé, but declines the proposal because she doesn’t want to be with a zookeeper. Although the occupations and financial earnings of Albert and Keyes are different, the lack of self-esteem and feeling of self-worth are the same, thus the need for an outside party to interject, and I would assume that the denouement of Zookeeper includes Keyes returning to the zoo, giving up a life as a car salesman and still winning the girl, or at least a girl who will love him for who he is. Perhaps the twist will be a violent surfacing of his previously-latent love for llamas. I might pay to see that.
